Kids for Sale!

Now offering a great deal on three adorable little girls. See below for details:

Item #1 (ID#MILL05): Often takes flight into Imagination Land and is hard to retrieve, especially when parental figure is making urgent requests. Loves to run, jump, and engage in generally boisterous behavior -- specializes in this behavior especially when in close proximity to parental figure who is talking on the phone. Master of Stealth, especially when involving sweet items such a cake mixes or ice cream which are often later found stuck to the carpet behind the item's bed. Expert Negotiator, tries to negotiate everything all of the time (i.e. MILL05: Mom, can I have a cookie? MOM: Yes MILL05: No wait, can I have 6? MOM: No. MILL05: Ok, then 5!). Innovative User of New Vocabulary Words: "Mom, you are just so jealous!! (apparently thinks that jealous is a worse form of "mean").

Item #2: (ID#ABB02): Specializes in naughty behavior accompanied by a winning smile (i.e. Item looks at parental figure, lifts cup of water, pours it onto the floor, and smiles sweetly). Has suddenly found it impossible to go to sleep without being in immediate proximity to parental figure, often resulting in one screaming child and one disgruntled parental figure. Learns much from older sister (aforementioned Item 1) and so also thinks that Mom is "so jealous". Has shown extreme stubborness in regards to potty training yet does not always like to inform parental figure when diaper is full, thus often resulting in certain small "leakages" or "deposits" found around the house, which upon interrogation by parental figure, Item most readily (as if with great pride) identifies.

Item #3 (ID#JA-pre-1): Practically perfect in every way, except of course when parental figure is tired or has a headache, in which case Item's new pet behavior -- loud and incessant screeching whenever item wants something in particular (usually small infant snacks) -- or just wants to hear the sound of her own voice, becomes somewhat difficult. Currently cutting two new teeth, which often makes Item fitful at night. Ms. Sharp Eyes -- if you have lost any minute, dangerous, or merely chokable items that need finding, this is the girl for you. Item can spot that which is completely invisible to the naked eye, crawl toward it with lightning speed and place it in her mouth before parental figure has processed that Item is on the move. Master of the Stairs -- if you'd rather get your exercise vicariously rather than using the StairMaster at the gym, just leave your stairs unguarded for an instant and Item will be half way up in no time(a sure way to get your heart pumping as Item is not yet completely steady on stairs).

SELLER: If interested in the above items, please contact the seller at 1-800-TYRDMOM. Once again, that number is 1-800-TYRDMOM. On second thought, the above items are available for brief rental only, starting immediately.